1×01 – Pilot

ACT I – PIZZA PARTY


1A

Paris XIII, Cynthia & Ron’s Building. Cynthia stops in front of apartment #27. She seeks her keys in her bag taking care not to drop the stack of pizza she holds in the other hand. She finally opens the door.

RON:
Hey, pizza party? Perfect for a TV dinner, “The Voice Animals” is broadcasted tonight.

CYNTHIA:
Animals ? Please, give me a hand with that.

RON:
You know, this new singing contest for animals only. It has been a real success in Japan last year. Why did you buy so much food? Are we expecting the world? Oh my God … Are you pregnant?

CYNTHIA: 
We should have some friends first. And not I’m not pregnant, but if you stress me a little less, I will still have my young girl shape.

RON:
Not sure a diet 100% pizza will solve the problem?

CYNTHIA:
These are the neighbor’s pizzas. They are always ordering something on Thursday nights, so I’ve waited for the delivery man in the hallway and …

RON:
Great, that will certainly fix our neighborly relationship. Have you seen our mailbox in the entrance before stealing that food?

CYNTHIA:
No, I didn’t notice.

RON:
The “Get Out!” message is not really inconspicuous.

CYNTHIA:
I will destroy them, I promise.

Someone rings the doorbell.

CYNTHIA:
That must be them. Go ahead, I will hide the pizzas in the bathroom.

RON:
Yes? Who’s this?

QUINN:
RussianGirls.com, Honey. Can I come in?

CYNTHIA:
Ron! You did it again?

QUINN:
Open the door asshole or I break everything. I can smell the “four cheeses” special from here. Unless this is the new fragrance of your bitch.

RON:
(Ron is finally opening the door).
Quinn! This sick dog sweet voice would have put me on the track.

QUINN:
Where is our food Cynthia?

CYNTHIA:
I don’t know what you’re talking about, but actually it’s good to see you. What’s that mess in the entrance?

RON:
You should go back to your evening classes by the way. “Go to hel!” is taking an other ‘L’, or maybe it was a Chinese insult?

QUINN:
The guy from Speed Pizza told me on the phone that a fat prostitute had received my order. I’ve immediately recognized your so “unique” style of dress.

CYNTHIA:
I took only two ridiculous pounds… Fuck you both!.

Cynthia leaves, upset, and goes back from the bathroom with the pizzas.

CYNTHIA:
Here they are, your fucking pizzas. But, be sure, that if tomorrow the mailbox does not shine out loud, you and your little poodle bastard, you’ll regret it.

Quinn takes her order back and leaves the apartment.

RON:
I did not think you would have sold so quickly.

CYNTHIA:
Don’t worry. When she’ll have finished with her Calzone filled with “Dove”, she will probably regret it. And… I’ve kept the veggie one, come.

ACT II – MS. MUSSO


1B

Second-floor, later in the evening. Ms. Musso climbs with some difficulties the last stairs step. She stops in front of the apartment of Ron and Cynthia and knocks on the door. We can hear through it a strange noise that sounds like a pig being slaughtered.

RON:
Let me guess Quinn. Bubbles are getting out of your ass and you need some advice of an experienced doctor?

MADAME MUSSO:
Excuse me… I do not allow you, rude person.

RON:
Ms. Musso… I…

MADAME MUSSO:
With your respect, your pathetic life does not interest me at all. My husband and I would love to get some rest. It’s late, and roars coming from your girlfriend are just… Listen! Could you just keep it down when you … Well, you know what I mean.

RON:
I would really like you to be right. But you’re just probably talking about this sweet Peggy. She’s just arrived to the final stage. You should really watch the show, she’s incredible.

CYNTHIA:
Go back to bed, Ms. Musso. We’ll lower the sound of TV. And don’t be afraid about the rest of the evening, there is no way this idiot puts his hands on me.

RON:
Good night Ms. Musso, and sorry for that.

MADAME MUSSO:
The neighborhood is really starting to get tired of the second floor, you know. You should calm down, now. The next co-owners meeting is approaching fast.

RON:
Good night.

MADAME MUSSO:
One more thing. The “Child Psychologist” sign has not been picked yet. I remind you that you lose the right to exercise, so consider removing it, please. We don’t want to be involved with your insanitary “business”.

Door is now closed. Ron is joining Cynthia on the couch. On television, the presenter announced that Peggy won the final with more than 60% of votes. Glad to see his favorite wins the show, he marks a break and then turns to Cynthia.

RON:
Darling. You really should stop wearing pink.

CYNTHIA:
… I go to bed. You, you sleep in the living room this night.

ACT III – A NEW LOOK FOR A NEW LIFE


1C

Wong and Quinn’s apartment. Quinn plays with Maxou, her Chihuahua, when the intercom is curiously starts barking.

WONG:
Quinn, you definitely have to reconfigured that intercom. I can not stand this “ring” anymore.

Quinn ignored Wong’s comments and approaches the front door. The videophone lights, a black woman appears on the screen.

QUINN:
Quinnie Queen talking.

WOMAN:
Hi! Sorry to disturb you, but I have an appointment with “Hell’s Dressing” but I can not find anything on the intercom. With a such name, I thought it might be you.

QUINN:
No, I have nothing to do with that. You’re certainly looking for Cynthia Boulard.

WOMAN:
I cannot find a “Boulard” on my screen. Maybe i’m not at the good address?

QUINN:
She’s using a fake name, and actually she has some good reasons to do so.

WOMAN (whispering):
Maybe she’s not the only one …

QUINN:
Excuse me?

WOMAN:
Nothing. I just found a Cynthia Brown, I guess it’s her. Thank you and sorry again for the inconvenience.

QUINN:
Are you really sure you want to get a makeover with this woman?

WOMAN:
Why did you say that? There is a problem with her I should know?

Quinn looks at the screen more carefully and see the woman is wearing a leopard stretch dress and a fur handbag.

QUINN:
Just changed my mind. In fact, I think her advices will suit you perfectly.

WOMAN:
Ohhh …

The woman did not have time to respond to this that the connection has already been cut.

QUINN:
I can’t believe she finds some clients. People really have money to fuck up.

WONG:
I’m begging you, don’t screw up her business right away. See these guys leaving her home is one of my favorite moment of week. Last time, she setup a kind of “doors open day” where she gave some makeup lessons for free. I had everything planned and was settled comfortably at the terrace of a café close to the main entrance. A total freak show.

QUINN:
Why did you tell me anything? I could kill to see that.

WONG:
Not too late. Look, I’ve posted every single moment on my twitter account.

Wong holds out his cell phone and both began to laugh out loud by seeing the pictures.

QUINN:
Is it me or this girl is crying face hidden behind her raincoat?

WONG:
You should have seen this. I never saw a woman run like her.

Maxou is scratching at the door.

QUINN:
Yes, sweetie. Time to walk eh? Yes, good dog. Let me get your little raincoat my treasure and we’ll go out for your little turd.

Few minutes later in the corridor. Quinn closes the door and prepares to leave with his dog dressed up in a small bright yellow raincoat. Door from Cynthia’s apartment open as well. The black woman seen earlier is apparently quite angry after her makeover consultant.

WOMAN:
You, crazy racist. Say to me, ME, that printed-jungle clothes fit right complexion to my skin. Believe me girl, it won’t stop here.

QUINN:
Hey! You come even to scare distasteful people Cynthia. Congratulations, you’re getting better.

CYNTHIA:
Don’t be jealous Quinn, I’ll be so happy to take care of your mutt, you know.

QUINN:
Take back immediately what you just said about Maxou.

Cynthia and Quinn are going to fight when Ron comes upstairs to separate them.

RON:
Come on girls. Stop that. This is really not the good time for a “hug time”.

CYNTHIA:
She called me a…

RON:
I don’t care baby. They just hang on the agenda of the next General Assembly.

Wong, constrained by the noise, joins the group. In the meanwhile, Ron, reads out the agenda of the event.

RON:
Topic #1: Expulsion of lots #27 and #29.

WONG:
#27, #29? This is our apartment numbers!

RON:
Congrats Sherlock.

QUINN:
We cannot get kicked. It took three months last time to find this apartment. Most  of them are accepting pets.

CYNTHIA:
And I’ve just finished to pay for my business program. I can’t change everything now.

RON:
We don’t have the choice. We have to calm down. Ms. Musso has been elected president of the board. We have one month to make them believe that we’re now best friends ever!

LogoTO BE CONTINUED …

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